tanjastar
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I dont know why...

... but I still got you under my skin

I wonder what brought me to this but I ve been listening to old CDs almost all morning and I feel quite comfortable.
There are songs which touch my deep inside, which make me smile or shiver as they tear apart old wounds.

If I had to put in words what happened around me during the last weeks, which things I figured out, experienced, felt, over-thought - I would end up head-shaking and helplessly shrugging my shoulders. I dont know what came to pass but it changed a lot.
I am not moving yet and if I will start, it may only be baby steps but even those ARE steps at all, right?
For the first time since ages, I feel that I am doing the right thing, that there should not be any doubts, even though I m hurt and bleeding now and then.
I am confident, this bitter taste when waking up in the morning, the moments when darkness creeps up on me suddenly - I dont fear them that much right now. I even have the hope that they wont be there forever.
22.7.07 14:29


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Never choose a book by the cover...

Hello once again!

I m still alive, as you see.

Today I had to experience how quickly people think that they know you.
Wahey - yeah funny funny...
Today I had to experience that my appearance speaks for itself.
I didnt even think too much about my outfit, just took something I liked, black and grey - perfect.
How the hell should I have seen that coming?
I wear black, I have dark hair - that means I m evil, lost, hopeless and always seeking for someone to save me.
Luckily someone opened my eyes today and said those precious words:
"You have to buy some colorful clothes, show that you enjoy life and then you ll be so much better!"

Ahhhh yeah -
Why didnt I realize that by myself? It would have been so much easier to change it all. Just some more color and then I d be like all others. I could be talking and laughing like stupid, fall for idiots without noticing it, spend all my time on buying make up and just be like ahm.... like.... like I d never want to be!

My goodness - what fills people's heads with so many prejudices? Its insane if you ask me.
25.10.06 20:26


My fears are the worst....

and they always return *sing*

Looks like I m music, at least filled with it.

Oh inspiration - hit me like a stone.....
Why do some things just never change?
I m fighting with my inside, with my soul or maybe just with my brain that pushes me back to problems that seemed to be solved long time ago.
Sometimes it feels like I m a system that always works against itself.
And....does anyone understand just a little bit of what I m saying right now?


If I m angry about something, its probably the best time to write. Its pushy and the feelings just come out. Only thing that is needed is a theme, the last little piece of inspiration.
Lets hope that I ll find it
7.10.06 13:37


Rain rain and even more rain.....

Hi there near and dear ones

You know what? I m damn sick of the weather!
4 Weeks ago people all over the country complained about the massive heat that hitted Germany right in the face (including me, of course)....well seems as if it worked quite well. From one day to the other it changed from 38 degrees to 20 and now we ve reached 11 degrees (i couldnt believe it this morning) followed by constant rain.

Dont want to see this anymore...I want some sunshine, some nice days and the possibility to spend time outside - so dear weather god, if you can hear me - show some pity!

Apart from the weather and some little, lets call it "complications", things are going pretty well lately.
I m constantly writing on stories and I m highly motivated to create some new stuff in the future.
So for everyone who s interested in what I do- be patient, i m working on it already!

Been to Finland (yes, I know, almost everyone knows that already but I cant tell it too often), saw great things, had a pretty good time and so on.
If you wanna see some pics from over there, just click the "Photo" link on the left.

Bye bye for now and dont forget to buy the "Zwiwwel Zweeper"
30.8.06 17:41


The truth is hidden well.....

Hi again everybody!

I m really surprised everytime I check this page. Many people on here - though I dont even put anything new online.

Today I thought about putting some of my thoughts on here.
If I d say that my head is empty now - wouldnt be that good, right?

Have to confess that I m pretty easy-going lately, I m relaxed, chilling and having a good time....yeah....
Sure there are things on my mind - the day that changes will be my dying day

The truth is hidden well - what does that mean?
That almost everyone lies? That things are not always what they seem to be? That you need to have more than just one closer look to understand?
Sometimes I m stuck in a question, something that makes me worry cos I m unsure about it. I m disappointed about someone or something and it seems as if I wont ever get the answers I want.
I dont know if I can trust my feelings, I dont even know what they want to tell me cos there are pro and contra's about everything.

Then one little situation changes everything. I get a different view on things, I realize whats really important for me.
Suddenly one "side" seems to win, I see clear though it still hurts.

There s this song in my head now, called "Some days are like that". Perfectly explaining how bad and weird things sometimes are. Thats just life I guess - even though its sometimes not about "one day" that s bad, can also be a week, a month or maybe even a year - somehow you always get through it and believe it or not - it makes you stronger!

Hard to believe? Agree - but I m a believer in such things



Thats almost all for today.

Got some photos online for you. Some may have already seen them, who didnt - enjoy it! Just click on "Photos" on Links and pick out what you want to see.

Bye bye and
26.6.06 22:01


another posting today....

Well I promised to be back so here I am

To be honest, I didnt work on anything thats worth to be posted so for everyone who wanted some lyrics or stories - I m sorry.

As you probably noticed, I deleted the Guestbook - had to be done as I got so many spam-entries that it just sucked. No idea how such strange people came to my page but they did so for now - no guestbook but you can still contact me on the normal way.

And another "thing" that I want to say.
I just got a mail by "YOU" which says that you ve heard my lyrics before. I never posted them anywhere else and I wrote every word by myself so for me, there s no real "normal" way that makes this possible.
You still say that you ve heard them so would you please be so kind and tell me where? Did anyone give them to you?
Its really important for me as I dont want my stuff to be someone elses.
I d be quite thankful if you d tell me about it and maybe this time with an email address to reply to - or is there anything you have to hide?

Thats it for today - Hasta pronto!
27.5.06 22:06


just a note...

someone who read my page wrote a mail to me about my lyrics so this posting here goes out straight to YOU.

I m glad that you like my lyrics. They are ALL written by myself.

Talk to everyone else later - bit stressy right now over here
27.5.06 10:38


Far far away.....

How easy is it to loose yourself?
How deep can you fall?

If reality has nothing good to give you where do you run to then?
How long will the spark be there if the wind keeps blowing?

Is destiny always the slap in your face that shows you that your dreams are too unreal to come true?
Is hope the one thing that makes you fight though you already lost everything?

Will you ever see a sense in the pain that almost kills you inside?
Will the wounds in your heart ever heal or will they keep on bleeding til the day you leave this world forever?

I dont have the answers but I m willing to find them


I soaked up a lot of hurt and pain lately, everyone seems to suffer, including me.
1.5.06 17:41


currently working on...

hola!

here i am again...with some brandnew lyrics. have to say that we gladly worked on the music to this song today *proud*


You and me

I am sunshine, I am rain
I m the one who causes pain
I m the star in darkest night
I will always start the fight
I m the whisper, soft and sweet
I m the one you cant defeat
I m the purest dream of you
change to nightmare and come true

I m like snow on winter's day
I will blow all hopes away
I m the reason for your life
In my hands I ll hold the knife
Captivate you with my smile
ruin your life in just a while
make you feel like you belong
while destruction's going on

No one ever knew my name
I am evil, lost, insane
hidden well, you know its true
I exist - I m just like you
No matter how hard you try or give in
You re just like me so its your sin

I m a beloved memory
I will kill all remedy
I m the spark thats in your eye
fight is useless, though you try
I m the love so deep within
I m the ice thats way too thin
I m the one you cant replace
destroying you in many ways

No one ever knew my name
I am evil, lost, insane
hidden well, you know its true
I exist - I m just like you
No matter how hard you try or give in
You re just like me so its your sin
1.4.06 20:56


Long long time ago.....

I started a webblog and promised to write something now and then. Seems as if I didnt really keep my promises then *shame on me*

Anyway.... I m back here and before its time for holidays (Tenerife) I ll try my best to put some new material in here.
I ll start today with some lyrics, I just wrote. Actually they ve been done in about 5 minutes - less creative - but check them out and let me know what you think, ok?

Too many times
I drowned in sorrow
Too many nights
I felt alone
Too many tears
I cried in sadness
Too many times
I lost my mind

No more living for tomorrow
While today’s worries fill my mind
No more hiding from my feelings
One last tear – wont be denied
No more buried by emotions
Find my way into the night
No more hopeless cry in disaster
The last chance to make it right


Too often hurt
I fear the darkness
Too often broken
I still bleed
Too often failed
I stopped believing
Too often lost
I m burned inside
6.3.06 21:25


Sunshine and a sheet of paper....

Hi there again

been a while - as usual - but I thought it would be a bit useless to post as I did absolutely nothing on any story lately.

All I can show you right now are some lyrics I just finished. There you go:


Exit

Sitting in a corner
starring at the ground
lost in my emotions
nowhere to be found
empty faces, hollow smile
broken heart - just kept inside
hiding from those who see nothing in my eyes
always forced to continue living your lies

In your arms I wanna die
Help me to spread my wings to fly
One gentle kiss to heal the pain
Absolution's coming like the rain
Lets try to lock the world outside
Get ready for our final night

Seeking for answers
realizing nothing's real
loosing every hope
a pain I cant conceal
failed illusion, broken dream
helplessness - growing deep inside
hiding from those who see nothing in my eyes
no more forced to continue, time to end the lies

In your arms I wanna die
Help me to spread my wings to fly
One gentle kiss to heal the pain
Absolution's coming like the rain
Lets try to lock the world outside
Get ready for our final night
14.1.06 15:41


Lazy lazy me....

No real update yet - didnt have any time to work on the story and this will probably stay like this til Christmas.
What else can I tell you? Its Berlin-time next weekend and for all of those who know a bit more - Yes...the birds finally have names:
Heribert and Lala

10.12.05 10:55


little update

uhm.....its not much but there s a little bit more on "Into Eternity".
Planning to work on it as often as I can so keep your eyes on here to find out whats happening next.

cheers
28.11.05 23:13


Sunday afternoon

Hiya

Something new from over here called Into Eternity. Cant promise to keep on writing all the time but I ll let you know when there s something new.

Have fun while reading

27.11.05 14:11


Up North

Just wanted to send some little greetings from up North to the world outside!
Been nice so far, i just spent some time at the Hotel's Wellness Center and I stepped by on my way to get some food!

See you
16.10.05 20:03


The rest is silence.....

As i ve just seen that there s been a few people on my page today, i decided to add a few words in here.
Yeahhhh.....I finally got some things done that I wanted to do for some time and actually never did. For example....trip to Berlin. Think I ll be travelling around a lot for the rest of the year and it feels just good.

Just found some words I wrote down a little while ago. Actually it should be a song but I didnt finnish it yet.
Have a look and make sure you re not in a depressive mood
....and just in case you have any idea on how to go on with this...let me know!

In your arms I wanna die
Help me to spread my wings to fly
One gentle kiss to heal the pain
Absolution's coming like the rain
Lets try to lock the world outside
Get ready for our final night

13.10.05 20:12


Long time....

since i posted the last time.
Sorry for those who checked the site reacting like "why the f*** do i check it if she s too lazy to write something" but I really intent to be a better girl now

Well....what can i say? I m more or less working on some new stuff and you ll find it right here hopefully pretty soon!

see ya
4.10.05 21:06


Cant wait.....

for the weekend. Really.....as usual, the first week after holidays.....just stressy and i cant count the times when i felt like i just needed holidays....

Enjoy your weekend and before you leave - check out this little pictures...i just love them:




25.8.05 22:35


What I did today....

Hiya....as you will see pretty soon....work today was not that stressy so I had the time to write a bit on some new ideas.
Dont know about what else to tell right now so have a look, if you want to:

End and Beginning

Cold blood
rushing through my vains on its way to my heart
Deceitful memories
color up my black world in order to break me apart

Where will it lead me?
Can I be my own enemy?
Could I be a fighter?
Is giving up my remedy?

Watch me bleeding
Cos its the chance to cure my soul
no more answers, no more questions
even if I m dying
I m the one to take control

Silent voices
telling me to be strong and leave into darkness
Empty heart
pushes me to the one last step in killing lonelyness

Can the end be the beginning?
Will I finally be able to see?
This will be my revolution
I m giving up for destiny

Watch me bleeding
Cos its the chance to cure my soul
no more answers, no more questions
even if I m dying
I m the one to take control
....the end is just the beginning.....

23.8.05 20:31


welcome.....

everyone to my cheap try in creating a site.
I m a bit unsure about the language so I think I ll mix up English and German.
Have fun with what you already find here and be patient cos there s a lot more to come soon!
20.8.05 14:56





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